How Investing For Your Retirement Is Like Getting Back In Shape — Besides The Plan
Posted @ 12:40 pm - Filed under Off The Cuff, Purposeful Planning, Retirement
After finally forcing the tendons attached to my elbows to revolt, I was forced to discontinue my march towards breaking all of Arnold’s old records. I’d of caught him too, as long as I was able to keep my personal parallel universe intact.
That was almost four years, 30 pounds, and half a tape measure ago. My waist had gone from, gulp, 33½ to just under 41. At 5′ 9″ and 182 muscular pounds of Bawld Beauty, I’d grown to 212 pounds of, “Is that really you Jeff? Wow! — Dude, what happened?” Not to mention, my so-called guns (biceps to the uninitiated) had gone from pretty cool, and way grande, to “Geez Dad, would you please stop wearing the tank tops?” I was in my own home. The ego hasn’t exactly been getting a daily massage lately, know what I mean, Verne?
While getting some pics taken recently, my wife asked me to tuck my chin in a bit, which I obediently did. Whereupon she said, “I meant both of them.” Everyone’s a comedian. Piling on though is the Boss’s job, right?
About a month ago I decided enough was enough. Josh showed me a photo of me, which he denied had been tampered with. He insisted it was untouched, then wondered out loud what kind of mind bending mirrors I must have installed at home for me to be in that much denial. “You can’t possibly look into a real mirror without either laughing or crying.” Funny guy. And he’s the other Brown. It doesn’t help of course, that he’s built like a swimmer who discovered the weight room. He’s barely tolerable. 
(And newly single, I might add.)
I could no longer use my permanently weakened tendons as an excuse for my new identity as Jabba the Hutt. I’ve been a competitive body builder, and run half a dozen marathons. It just doesn’t feel good to be this big, and out of shape. Bawld Jabba is on the mend!
Let’s have a little fun at my expense here, while I try to compare losing my ginormous waist, along with whatever Godzilla-like Jello-mold that keeps following me around, to investing for retirement.
When utilizing a Purposeful Plan, the first thing to do is find out where you are right now.
Though I’d successfully lost about 17 of the 30 I’d gained (in the last year or so), you must remember that much of the weight at my peak was muscle, which is almost twice as heavy as fat, given the same volume. This means after almost four years of no weight lifting, my muscles are in full retreat. This also means if I only lose down to my weight when lifting, I’d still be, uh, more than a touch rotund. 
This is the reality of going from low body fat and high muscle content, to losing lean tissue while adding 30-35 pounds of fat.
Boiled down, this means I gotta go from the buck-95 I’ve gone down to so far, to somewhere in the buck-60’s range. We’ll have to see. The gold standard is gonna be a 32″ waist. And you can just stop that this instant, as laughing will not deter me in the least.
This reality check is somewhat akin to learning your annuities aren’t what’s gonna get the job done. Or letting your home sit with a 60% equity position — which is like being 40 pounds overweight while trying to convince everyone you’re gonna run a marathon next month. Or how ’bout figuring out that the rental you bought using 100% financing is the investment equivalent to losing weight by fasting on water-only for a month. It’s a quick fix that almost always causes more problems than it solves.
So what Purposeful Plan have I developed for losing weight and inches, while simultaneously replacing at least some of the muscle that went AWOL so long ago?
I had to combine diet, muscle development, and aerobic training. Captain Obvious, standing in the corner, is now rolling his eyes dramatically.
For retirement, you may have to clear the decks by correcting past mistakes, or converting other assets to cash. Getting rid of fat (mistakes – duh), and modifying the way you exploit available capital (diet) is crucial to your success. 
Pretending everything isn’t part of the Plan will only lead to ultimate failure and disappointment.
If I work hard both aerobically and anaerobically (resistance training), but eat all my meals at McDonald’s, Pizza Hut, and my favorite Taco Shop, my results will be mediocre at best. At worst I might find myself in the physical poor house when I’m finished. Seriously though, the carne asada nachos are nasty-good.
So far I’m only in the first third of my Plan, which I’ll divulge next time out. I’ll lay out exactly what I’m doing to reclaim the ‘Inner Stud’ that’s in all of us.
And yes, that means all of us have a magnificent and abundant retirement on our menu — if only we decide to go after it Purposefully.
This entry was posted on Monday, August 27th, 2007 at 12:40 pm and is filed under Off The Cuff, Purposeful Planning, Retirement. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
